I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
