I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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