This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Drunk is not a location!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
