Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
