I think my fart just growled at me.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
