Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize