so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
