I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
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