I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I am naked and annoyed.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
