Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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