i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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