how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
