I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
