dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
