i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize