Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Randomize
