That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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