I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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