There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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