I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
