a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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