Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
you had me at cake vodka
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
