who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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