would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
