i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
