on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
