apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize