I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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