Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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