New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
