3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize