just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
