i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize