so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
