i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
So vagazzling was a success
I forgot wine drunk hurts
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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