Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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