I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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