this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
