i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
