jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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