so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
