Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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