So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
