Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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