the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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