i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
