One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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