do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
