I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
