i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
