Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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