Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
