I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Enjoy the penises
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
