I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize