I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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