I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
There r osticjed everywhere
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
