If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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