I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
it was like eating out sand paper
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
