Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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