am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
