i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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