I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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