got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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