I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
