Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
