He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize