they need to just BURY HIM!
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
