I just pynch a tree in the face
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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