Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
