Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
