I wish life had little blips of pornography
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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