Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
