No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
