i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
