As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
