Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
where are you?
Hypothermia
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
