I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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