I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
