I heard we made out
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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