I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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