Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
is wine microwaveable?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
