I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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