Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
