She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I would ride that face into the sunset
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
