We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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