You can't special order awesome
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize