she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
