jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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