she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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