the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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