We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Randomize
