Acid is not a monday night drug
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
