I accidentally had phone sex last night
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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