Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
