Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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