I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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